She's A Brick House...literally

Here I sit on a Sunday morning after a lousy Saturday night. Thought maybe sleeping would change my mood around, but unfortunately for me that did not work. It's not often I'm a negative Nancy, but when I am it all hits at once.

As I sit here, I have so much frustration built up inside of me. But of course I'd never let any of those things slip out of my mouth except maybe to my mom, or most likely my sister. The reason? I have this mega-brick wall up around me. The reason I have one? Because anytime I've ever let it down, I get hurt.

My life hasn't been the glamorous one most assume it has been, and don't get me wrong I have been beyond blessed in 19 years and my life was and is farrrr from the worst, but still; don't judge a book by it's cover. That being said, ever since I was little I've never been able to let loose and have fun. Not the type of fun the average college student has; that is in NO way, shape, or form something I'd be interested in. But just letting my guard down, being absolutely silly, and enjoying myself. I never really had time to be a kid, so here I am, years later still acting like the adult I'd learned to be as a child. You can't live in the past, all you can do is look to the future, which can be so hard when the future you had planned crumbled without your control.

Being the OCD, organized person I am, I had my life all planned out. Which, I do NOT recommend this at alllll, by the way. The plans I'd made had me so excited for the coming years, then they all changed through a decision that was not mine. At that moment in time I felt like my life was over. I soon realized looking back, it was simply the beginning to a new chapter. Here I am, in the midst of that new chapter.

The past hurts, but I have to keep my eyes on the prize of my dreams and future. When I think about the future now, I have absolutely no idea what it holds; just that God's got a hold of it and is in control. Which is quite the relief realizing it's no longer my worry. The unfortunate thing is, I have no idea when I'm going to learn to live. Really, live. To just let my guard down and enjoy what God surrounds me with. When is that scared 7-year-old going to breakaway and have the time of her life? Who knows, all I know is the day it happens; I'll most likely write a blog about it. So here I still sit on my couch. The only thing I know that's going to happen today is that I'm going to church (River Ridge 9;45/11:15 join us :) and that I will be working yet another shift at Sunglass Hut. And no matter how I feel after posting this blog, which will most likely be a little bit better because writing is my release, even if it's like crud; I'll put on my smile and never let a single person know what's going on in this noggin' of mine. I've said it once, and I'll say it again; A smile is the most beautiful thing a person can have. And with that smile, I'll enjoy my day the best way I know how. Maybe today's the day. The day I learn to tear down my wall and enjoy the blessing of a new day I have been given, to it's utmost potential.

Not Your Average Blog about Cereal

I'm not sure if any of you saw my tweet earlier that said "what better day to start something new than today?", but this blog will provide y'all with an explination. Obviously, today I'm starting something new! That something new is giving up cereal. *Disclaimer: I promise it isn't as corny/lame as it sounds*

The deliciousness of cinnamon toast crunch in a cold bowl of milk after a long day of work is one of my favorite things. The problem is my inability to practice self control by eating simply one bowl. I've struggled with emotional eating and portion control with food in the past, but with cereal I find myself lost in the habit of one bowl, after another, after another. (The fact that I have the appetite of a man doesn't help either) But there's an underlying problem behind the lack of control. My addiction to cereal is an addiction. There's no sugar coating it. No pun intended...for once.

An addiction, is an addiction, is an addiction. Society, overall, judges those who are addicted to alcohol and drugs; but we overlook the more simple addictions we each have. If we hear through the grapevine that our next door neighbor is going through AA or rehab the whispers and dirty looks seem to arise at the sight of a person who is simply reaching out for help. Mine, being cereal, is no where near the severity of a 15 year alcoholic; but in the eyes of God, we are two of the same.

I'm sure by now, you may have started to think of something you may have grown accustom to spending to much time with or doing. Maybe it's an addiction to drinking soda, or watching too much TV. Or something I know many of my peers struggle with; an addiction to the Internet and gossiping. No matter what the addiction is, they are all equal according to Him. I wish I could find it, and if I do I'll update this post, but there is a verse in the good 'ol B-I-B-L-E meaning just that. Unfortunately I can't find the book that I read it in, not my Bible it's right here beside me, but this awesome book I read called "Made To Crave". Google it. And maybe I'll blog on it one day.

Anywho, the thing about an addiction is, the way we let it consume our time, thoughts, day, etc. Not that I sit around and chomp at the bits to get home to my cereal, but it does have an array of affects on me. I'm generally a healthy eater, but the day after a cereal binge I feel sluggish and guilty about my indulgence. This in turn makes me lazier and less productive. A snowball of negative impacts on my daily routine. Without this habit, I'd have a better overall feeling of myself and wouldn't lose the amount of energy I gain from my healthier choices. That all-day fulfilling energy seems much nicer than the unfortunate highs and lows of processed sugars. The above mentioned is a scenario from my point of view dealing with my personal issues, but I'm sure there is one in relation to yours as well.

Since there are no CA (cereal anonymous) meetings, or 5 week programs to curb my habit, I suppose I'm quitting cold turkey. One of the most important facets in a walk with Christ is that of accountability. It wasn't until earlier this summer that I realized how important this key aspect was, but now I understand it fully. In order to maintain accountable, I hope to write a blog on my success with the elimination of late night binges due to an addiction as seemingly silly as cereal. My goal is by the time school starts to have kicked my habit. If any of you reading this are struggling with an addiction, no matter if it's even sillier than cereal, or something much more serious, I encourage you to say a prayer for yourself. The power of prayer isn't attainable by any program you could go through here on Earth.

I can't help but think of the High School Musical song when I talk about "the start of something new" but I'm no longer 16 and crushing on the star of the basketball team, I'm 19 and writing a blog about addiction...to cereal. But the main and serious point to this, is that nothing in life should have power over you, well unless of course it's The Man. For anyone struggling with anything, today could be the day to start over. Stop making excuses in order to prolong quitting or starting something. Take the initiative and act upon it today. Better yet, this very minute. Decide in your head what you're going to do, a reasonable goal, and the time span between now and that goal. As I caught myself eating far too much Special K this morning, that's when all this hit me. I took the bag, walked to the trash, and threw it in. That was the moment I decided...don't let yours pass you up.

Who Cares about Wrapping Paper, Anyways?

If beauty is in the eye of the beholder...then why don't we all see ourselves as the beautiful people we are? I have and continue to struggle with accepting body image and considering myself beautiful, and I know I am FAR from the only one. Society puts so much pressure on each of us; especially as females, to look a certain way. In reality, those Victoria's Secret models? They don't even look that good. And I'm sure if you ask each one of them what insecurity they have, they'd name it instantly.

I received one of my daily Victoria's Secret e-mails yesterday and it really ground my gears. I know better, that the way those gals look was created mainly by Photoshop and airbrushing; but what about the 12-year-old who sees the advertisements for Aerie as she's going to buy her first bra? She doesn't know better; and that advertisement is inadvertently teaching her at such a young age that she needs to look like that. Not only are they brainwashing young girls, but the young boys that see them as well. While growing up and being exposed to such ads, even in family friendly atmospheres such as the shopping mall, they will begin to think real women look like those in the pictures.

I'm not bashing advertisements; heck I'm an ad major at this point in time, but rather infuriated by our society. Since when did beautiful mean a size 00, with toned abs, and rail thin limbs? Sure, that type of body can be beautiful; but so can a size 24+ full-figured woman. We just have to redirect our thoughts in believing that we are beautiful; no matter what.

Sometimes, I wish I could take more of my own advice. I know when I'm sweating my butt off at the gym and don't indulge in the delicious pretzel burger at Fat Patty's I so desperately am craving, it's because I want to look my best. Every girl wants to feel attractive, especially in opinion of the opposite sex. But there comes a point in which each of us has to accept what we were blessed with as a body.

God created each of us as a vision of Himself. Therefore, even we roll out of the bed; no make-up, bedhead, and morning breath, He thinks we are beautiful. Because we are. We might be a few pounds over what we'd like to see on the scale, or maybe a zit the size of Jupiter popped up right on the tip of our nose during the night, but we.are.beautiful. I can't stress that enough. The more of us that realize this, the happier and healthier we can be.

A couple weeks ago I started a new routine. This routine consists of: waking up, looking in the mirror, and telling myself "I am beautiful". At first I didn't believe it. The flaws I'd concentrated on so hard; most that no one else would probably even care to notice, would pop out at me as I was "lying" to myself. As the days progressed, my confidence rose. I started to believe my "lie" and would walk out of the house knowing I was beautiful because He made me that way. Granted, the days where I feel as attractive as the Hunchback of Notre Dame still come (one was yesterday), but those feelings fade and soon I'm back on track with my new found streak of confidence.

To sum it all up: never forget how beautiful you are. And if you're worried about your appearance in sake of finding a relationship; throw that out the window. There's someone out there meant to love you for you, not for how you'd look as the center fold of a magazine. The way we look is small compared to what lies within us. I mean, who honestly cares about what the wrapping paper on a present looks like? The gift on the inside is what counts. Love what God gave you; and everyone else will come to love it, and you, as well.

Aunt T Times Three!

Nothing is more precious than a newborn baby. That being said, I'm extremely confident in saying there is no cuter, or more precious of a newborn out there right now than my new nephew. Monday my sister blessed me with my third nephew; I could never thank her enough.

Monday after finishing up at the gym, I proceeded with the usual check-in with mom to let her know I was safe (you'd still think I was the newborn that their mother hadn't cut the cord yet...love you mom! wouldn't have it any other way!) and what I would be embarking on on my day off. The response she gave me made me squeal so loud you'd think Michael Buble had just gotten in my passenger side. I learned that it was a strong possibility my sister could have her baby that very day! I composed myself, made it home, and then proceeded to sit on standby in case my assistance was needed. Shortly after, I received a phone call from Sis, asking me to come up to her house in case she'd have to leave for the hospital. Meaning I'd have my hands full with two boys; one freshly turned two and one a month and a half shy of five. Wowzers. But I was up for the challenge.

To make a long story short, we'll fast forward to 7:14pm that day. The minute my precious nephew entered this world. If you're not aware of the date he was born, it was 7.11.11. Cool right? Even cooler...free Slurpees on his birthday! every. year.

Yesterday was the first time I met him and got to hold him. Ohmygoodness he is seriously the cutest baby I have ever seen. Not that my first two nephews weren't, but he is just so stinkin' cute! From his head full of dark hair, to his round face, to his long toes; I just didn't want to let him go.

I could go on and on about how much I love him already, but the person who should be taking the spotlight is my sister. Once again, she's a subject I could write an entire novel on, but I'll sum it up briefly for the sake of this blog. MY. SISTER. IS. AMAZING. Not only is she one of the most Godly women I know, she wins the "stay-at-home mommy of the past 5 years" award and is practically Wonder Woman. If you were to have a perfect balance of God, love, family time, discipline, and manners in a family, that is what she strives for and achieves. Not saying my nephews are angels, good grief they're boys, they're rotten as all get out sometimes; but I listened to my almost five-year-old nephew bless his and his little brother's dinner on Monday night. How incredible is that?

Needless to say, I am an extremely blessed, happy, and thankful aunt right now. Another nephew for me to hold, witness his milestones, and eventually hear him yell "T!!!!!" when I walk out of his sight. My family continues to grow and I can't wait to see what each of those boys become. One thing is for certain, they will become men of God, but how will they be called to show it?

I can't wait to see what their futures hold. My sister is one fine, outstanding woman, I can't thank her enough for what she has provided me with. And not to leave my equally incredible brother-in-law out; he provides and takes care of my sister and nephews like every man should. What a family I have to look up to as an example. I become more blessed each and every day.

Saying "Bye, Bye, Bye" to Social Networking

Social Networking sucks. That, my friends, is the reason I will be excusing myself from them for at least one week. If you do recall, I deleted my FaceBook and Twitter back in September of 2010 and didn't make new ones until February 2011, and those months of my life were quite productive.

It's ridiculous for me to wake up, check fbook, check twitter, then read the newsfeed and timeline on my phone down to the last update I read before I fell asleep that night. Am I a nosy stalker? No. I just enjoy having something to read, that's always new and available. But the question is why am I reading about who loves who, who had a terrible day at work, and other nonsense things rather than reading my Bible when I first wake up. Or doing something far more productive with my time. Also, some of the things you see on there just create negative feelings.

Summertime is a lousy excuse for girls to take very precisely posed pictures of themselves in bikinis, upload them, and make every guy drool from the other side of the computer screen. Guilty as charged last summer, but this summer I see the ploy behind it all. And it's gotten worse. Ladies, put some clothes on. But behind all those scantly clad pictures, lies another unfortunate thing. I know in the back of my mind, I'm thinking, "Gosh, why can't I look like that?" Or "My goodness gracious she looks atrocious! Take this picture down girl." Both absolutely terrible and negative things to be going through my mind. All FaceBook does is create not so good thoughts for me. Maybe after a week I'll feel like I can live without it again. One problem...

Missing my friends; the whole reason I recreated my FaceBook in the first place. I missed my friends I don't get to see on a daily basis. Seeing their pictures pop up on my newsfeed and their thoughts on my timeline help me feel like we're still connected. I haven't quite figured out how to solve that problem. I'd enjoy receiving emails or ever better, mail with pictures or a small note; but get real, Katie. We're in 2011, not 1945. I guess we'll see what goes from here.

I honestly feel like I'm being called to take a step back from the world of social networking. I'm planning on using this time to get closer to my God. For I know whatever He's calling me to do is for a reason. Do I know what this reason is yet? Nope. But eventually I'll look back and I will. He's never steered me wrong before. Something I learned at BCM (Baptist Campus Ministries) BeachWeek this summer was something that continues to stick with me: sometimes we need to step away from the hustle and bustle of our busy lives and listen for the answer He's been providing us all along. Just take time, and listen. Which is precisely what I am going to do.

Gabe's, Paris, and Fluorescent Light Bulbs

First off...I'm a bargain shopper. That being said, after enjoying a delicious meal at Applebee's this evening I decided I was going to shop around at my local Gabe's. Everyone knows that when going to Gabe's you are either going to have a "hit" or "miss" visit; today my friends, we had a hit.

I go directly to the back of the home decor department to look at my favorite part of Gabe's: the ever changing collection of art they carry. To my pleasant surprise, there were some awesome canvas' propped up against one another. The pictures depicted on them were movies, none of which seemed to be my favorites...until I spied in one of the stacks a black and white picture of the Moulin Rouge. WHAT?! One of my favorite movies?! black and white?! and ONLY $9.99?! I heard the chorus of angels singing "ahhhh" as I reached for it, knowing it was going to be mine. As I stared at this beauty that was going to be the focal point of my dorm room, all I could think about (aside from how handsome Ewan McGregor looked in the remake) was about Paris...and my dreams.

Everyone has a dream. Whether that dream be small or large, we have one. My dream since I was young was to live in Paris. I know, I know, those of you who have been there are thinking "that place isn't near what it's cracked up to be" or "it's just a city of filth with a landmark". Honestly, I don't care. I've longed to reside there for what seems forever now. Doing what? Of course I don't know. I don't even know what my major for next semester is going to be.

At one point in my life, I lost sight of this dream. I told myself that it was far out of my reach, that the most I was going to do with my life would be to become a mogul in Charleston, live in a nice home on top of a mountain, and vacation in the tropics once a year. What a measly goal for someone who works as hard as I do. Since then I've regained focus and now my eyes are set on the prize: Paris.

If you can't tell by now, I'm rather fuzzy on what the next years of my life are going to hold. After graduating college, I may move two streets over, move halfway across the country, or live at home until I'm 47 years old. I'm not sure. But what I can tell you is, you better remember my name now, because whatever becomes of my life is going to be awesome. Maybe, just maybe, you'll be seeing my name is yellow tinted, fluorescent bulbs, much like that of the Moulin Rouge in Paris one day. Who knows? Well God knows, but that's a different blog post. But be ready for my dreams to come true and to see my name in lights.

Katie's Back, Back, Back, Back Again

Oh here I am, almost a year later. Shame, shame on me. I was sitting on my couch this morning enjoying my day off and thinking about what my future has in store for me. As I sat there, only one thing came to mind that I'd not done...something I get immense joy from: write. My next move was that from my comfy couch to my even comfier bed where my Mac was so preciously laying. Opened my baby up, logged back into my blog, and here I sit with my niece (dog) laying on my legs and me propped up on some awesome pillows, typing away. Life has had major changes in the past year. So many that I could probably write an entire novel on it more so than a blog. But the past is the past, right? From this day on is the future. One that I'm anticipating although I have no idea where it leads. This week I've contemplated so much about my future. I've gone back and forth between staying in my current major, advertising, switching to print journalism, or even as far out of the School of Journalism you can get; dietetics. Currently, I'm still in the limbo state, hoping one morning I'll wake up and God will have constructed a brightly lit neon sign directly above my bed.. practically screaming at me which road to take. Until then, I'll continue to wait it out.

Advertising has been an interesting experience thus far. When in high school I knew I was going to be the girl to pick a major, roll with it, and never change my mind. I must have forgotten I am a female...we ALWAYS change our mind. Three weeks into school I realized psychology was not for me, researched, and came to the point where advertising seemed to be the best decision. That second semester I loved my classes, loved my j-school, loved the fact that I had an internship at an advertising agency for the summer. Everything seemed perfectly in place. That's always when things always begin to fall apart. Fast forward to my second week of summer, the week my internship began. Without going into details, let's just say it was not at all what I expected...therefore my mind began to change; once. again.

I sat one day trying to figure what my passion was. What is it that makes me happy. The first thing that popped into my mind was a freshly baked pizza...yea, can't major in that. Next, was writing. How could I forget how much I loved to read when I was younger, leading to how I used to write short stories in my free time and how I loved to just sit and let my fingers type ninety miles an hour. But could I make a career of it? That's when my awesome self-doubt clicked in. Darn you self-doubt.

From that point, I realized I also had a love for researching healthy eating habits and exercise. Although sometimes I wish I would listen to myself more when I say, "Katie don't eat that." or "Katie, you can add a little more weight to that...the burn means it is working!" I love to fill myself with more and more knowledge on the subject. So I mosied on over to Marshall's website and glanced at the classes I'd have to take. ORGANIC CHEMISTRY?! Really? Okay, maybe this isn't for me. But I'm far from dumb, so I know I could push myself. The best way to describe how many things were going through my head at this point is to visually explain: "a;sjoiwemlksdjfpaoijskldjfvicja;ejoij" Remember how cool it used to be to post that as your MySpace status when the boy you liked was frustrating you? Don't lie, I know you do. Back to the point...I was, and still am, a confused mess.

So here I still sit; my niece is now snoring, her only care in the world is wondering when I'm going to feed her next, and here I am wondering what career I'm going to choose; also realizing I need some major punctuation practice and a review on grammar rules. Anywho, the race is still on for what major is going to capture my heart. I could sit here all day and go back and forth between what to do, but that would be a waste of my time. I've learned "So don't worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today's trouble is enough for today." Matthew 6:34 With that being said, I'll go on about my day only to worry about how I'm going to get this snoozing dog off my lap and make it to the gym on time. As for my potential life-changing decision? Eh, I'll get back to that.