The Value of a Penny

"Find a penny pick it up, then all day you'll have good luck!"
How many of us grew up reciting this cute phrase as we joyfully reached for the shiny, copper coin sitting at our feet? As children, that penny is seen as a small token that later will be dropped into a piggy bank to join the others. While that penny is often seen as worthless in the eyes of our society, some will see it as valuable.

Yesterday, as I was loading up my car to head back to Huntington, I looked down to see a penny. If you've ever been around me when I see a penny, my inner child beams with excitement while I bend over to retrieve the small treasure. But yesterday was different. I wasn't eager to collect my find. It was muddy, I was in a hurry, and face it, it's a penny. My attitude was telling me that in the scheme of life that penny wouldn't be worth much at all.

Despite my circumstance and negative thinking, I couldn't pass up the opportunity. As I reached down for it, something dawned on me. Does God see me as I see this penny? Dirty, worthless, and insignificant? As a hassle to claim?

As I held the penny in my palm, I took a minute to look at it and answer my question. Grace set aside, I am seen as dirty, worthless, and insignificant; but without any hesitation, God picks me up, dusts me off, and places me in His hand, as a treasure He has plans to use.

The story and comparison doesn't end here. I placed the penny in my pocket, still pondering, when while I was taking another load to my car, the penny fell from my pocket directly into the mud beside my tire. The connection hit me again:

No matter how many times I fall from God's hand and direction, He is always so willing to pick me up, show me grace, and set me back on the path of His righteousness. In his eyes I am His daughter, His daughter who He has shown mercy and redemption. His daughter which He has plans to use for His glory. His daughter who has no reason to have worth, but who He finds unexplainable value and love in.

Unlike a human response to the value of a penny, God gives his immeasurable love to His sons and daughters. He rescues us when we are lost and carries us with Him until we reach the finish line as holy and pure. He sees value in our lives and purpose in our steps.

I encourage each of you to trust in Him and allow Him to guide your life. In the scale of His God-sized plans, you may seem small, but we serve a God who is mighty and purposeful; allow Him to clean you up and treasure you for life.

The Oxford English Dictionary and Jesus

Being the geeky English major I am, the Oxford English Dictionary and I are best friends. That being said, it provides me with definitions to all things literary and all things life-y (I am aware this is not a word; my blog, my rules :) ) The OED defines the word sufficient as, "
= to provide for the needs or accommodation of, to satisfy (a person or animal)" (proof). So, one should find sufficiency in things such as food, sex, and alcohol, right? That's what the world tells us so that MUST be true. Ladies and gents, I don't believe that is at all what the definition of sufficient is. If you would, let me explain my thoughts and reasons.

First off, almost four months ago God blessed me with an incredible fella who courageously ask me if he was "worthy enough to be my man". In the time we have been together Justin has brought me back to the heart and core of my faith; the love of Jesus.

Jesus is the definition of sufficient.

I've wasted hours, days, weeks, months, and years trying to satisfy void with the things of this world, leaving me continuously frustrated and hopeless in their lack of worth. I knew Jesus and God's love is all that I needed; I truly KNEW that, but did I ever TRUST in that? No. I didn't. I'd wake up and go throughout my day, trying to make my own decisions keeping God aware that I appreciated the thought of His help, but there are people out there who need Him more than me. I was fine. As long as I went to church, prayed, and was a good girl then I was doing what I was supposed to. I couldn't have been farther from the Truth.

Maybe one day it hit me and I just didn't realize it until weeks of feeling immense joy and love radiate from my soul. Through this time God has made it blatantly aware to me that JESUS IS SUFFICIENT. I need nothing else in this world and thinking otherwise would sound as if Christ's death and resurrection wasn't enough.

I used to work at GNC and stressed to customers that a multi-vitamin was the first step, and necessary, when participating in any workout and/or diet plan. This is because it fills in the gaps of poor American diets and allows for our bodies to run smoother and excel farther. Jesus is the core and foundation, obviously far,far more important than an over-priced vitamin, of all things in life. Without TRUSTING He is sufficient nothing else can build and grow to be more like Him.

Also, Jesus is the gap-filler. There is a hole in each of our hearts. A hole of heartbreak, a hole of deceit, a hole of depression. A hole that can only be filled with the overflowing love and sacrifice of Jesus. Until you try and wrap your mind around that and surrender the void to Him, I'm not sure that you will ever find the true meaning of sufficient joy and love.

I have no theological degree and I don't preach over a church, but I do have a faith and a God that can do immeasurably more than we could ever dream(Eph. 3:20).

One last thing, Paul writes to the church of Colossea, "the mystery that has been kept hidden for ages and generations, but is now disclosed to the Lord's people. To them God has chosen to make known among the Gentiles the glorious riches of this mystery, which is Christ in you, the hope of glory" (Col.1;26,27).

Christ was the mystery. He and His hope, glory, love, and sacrifice has been revealed. Trust in these and learn the true definition of sufficienct.

He. Is. Enough.

CI350 Blog. Aka My Rant on the Fact We Need to Push High School Students

This blog started as a blog for my senior English class. Now, in my junior year of college, I'm writing a blog for yet another class. It has to be on my opinion of something in education and involved in my end of the semester Unit Plan. That Unit Plan happens to be on the writing process, so here we go.

I strongly believe students should be more challenged in their writing abilities in high school. When I was in 9th grade, I remember having an English teacher practically use an entire red pen on one of my research papers. At the time I was disgusted. How dare she do that?! That paper was golden?! Now, I'd be mortified to go back and see what I thought was "A" material. Six years later I am so thankful for the criticism I received.

These days in education, we are failing to provide the correct constructive criticism to students. Instead, educators try their best to not step onto toes and encourage the child with false compliments rather than showing them how they can improve. Does this sound harsh? Why yes, it probably does. "How dare she think we should bash our students!" Not what I'm saying at all. This is how I hope my classroom will operate. Disclaimer: I know I have  A LOT to learn about education...no need to tell me.

In the classroom we have to remember to grade to the childs' expected ability due to their age and maturity. I'm not going to grade my 9th graders' papers to the same level of a 12th grader's paper. That would be so unjustified. Rather, I will mark the paper to the high heavens and at the end of the paper focus on their strengths and give them the grade they earned based on the outline of grading provided for them at the start. Time is limited when it comes to a teacher and student schedule, but I believe there should be some sort of paper conference to ensure the student understand what they should improve on. Also, there will be a second re-write opportunity given to the student to try and up their grade.

If we continue to be easy graders the students will not improve. Majority will simply do what is the bare minimum to get by. They're teenagers for goodness sakes. By the time a high school student graduates they should be ready to enter English 101 at the collegiate level and it be more a refining and refresher course rather than time to learn what is expected in their six-page paper due for another course.

Maybe I expect too much out of students. But really, I think that it is current teachers don't expect enough.

May 13, 2012

Today was a day I'll never forget and will rank in the top most amazing days of my life. Today I was baptized in the ocean at BCM Beachweek.
I've literally been in church since being in the womb. I grew up in Christian school associating my A's with angels, B's with Bethlehem, and C's with Christ but didn't truly understand what it meant to accept the love and grace of Christ into my heart until I was 11. At this time, there was no definite place for me to outwardly express this with baptism. I knew that God and I were on the same page as to knowing the perfect time would come.
The issue of baptism weighed heavy on my mind all through high school and followed me into college. In October the Holy Spirit convicted my heart to get baptized out of obedience in my faith. I went to my campus minister, Adam, and we began to discuss options.
As I continued to pray for an opportunity, one arose. I then tried to make things happen in my own time but the Lord showed me I need to rely on Him and His timing. That being said, that opportunity did not happen.
I was broken hearted but knew that God had a plan. I know we've all heard that three million times, but it is so, so true. Adam then came to me yesterday and ask if I would like to be baptized in the ocean at our last service of the week.
I prayed about the opportunity, called my mom, and knew in my heart that this was the time. My momma said the most amazing thing to me after I told her, despite the fact she'd be absent: "Thank you for giving me the most amazing Mother's Day present"; shows the importance of baptism not only for the Lord and myself, but even for my family.
This morning the rain starting coming down, the sun went behind the clouds, and Satan tried to do so many things to prevent me from following through with this crucial and exciting time in my faith. Adam and I met and in the midst of prayer he ask God for cooperating weather, and of course my God provided.
The last thing I wanted was for my friends to have to sit out on the beach in the rain. When six o'clock came, not only had the temperature warmed up, but the rain split on both sides of where we were sitting: not a drop fell on any of us. As Adam and I walked out into the waves (which I'm terrified of the ocean, btw) I can't even begin to say everything that was going through my head. I do remember Adam telling me to look at the waves as God's grace and how it continues to abound time and time again. The moment came when the waves were "just right" and I was dunked back and brought up out of the ocean.
The tears flowed as I walked back to the sand to be greeted by my brothers and sisters in Christ. I was given so many hugs by my friends who were there to witness this defining moment in my walk with Christ. I'd like to collectively thank each of ya'll.
I'm so excited that I've finally gotten to be obedient to the Lord. I've outwardly expressed the fact that I know I cannot reach my Heavenly home without the never ending grace of Jesus. I was born into this world a sinner and will continue to sin until I take my last breath, but everyday I will try my hardest to resemble Christ more and more. Today is the a new beginning and a huge leap in my walk with Christ. I cannot wait to see how the Lord guides and uses me for His glory. I live on this Earth to do nothing but that. There are times when I lose sight of the real reason I am given each day,but always have to come back to putting others before myself and loving with all I have for the sake of the one who promises me eternal life in His kingdom.
I thank the Lord for the opportunity He blessed me with and the group of people He provided to hold me accountable. I pray for each of you that you may find the goodness in a life serving Him. There is no promise of an easy road to travel down, but the joy of Him in your heart is unlike anything else in this entire world. You begin to see things from a different perspective and for a different purpose. I am blessed beyond belief, every day I realize that...more and more.

Katie Being Serious? Is This Real Life?

Anyone who knows even the fewest things about me is sure to know that this gal loooooves her some food. The other thing you'd probably know about me, in connection with that, is my love of health facts and exercise. But what you may not know about me is that those two things, they are the biggest struggles and sins in my life.

A health nut knows the magic equation for weight loss/management. It's simple: burn more calories than you consume. I am completely and 100% aware of this, but in my humility I'm here to tell you this equation is the hardest problem I've been trying to solve for a year now.

Y'all, food is my comfort. As the Jesus lovin' gal I am, I should find my comfort in God and Scripture, but what do I turn to? food. I shovel it in, knowing good and well that it's not the thing I should be doing. The entire time, bite after bite, I am feeling guilty, but ya know what else? I can't stop. I continue to eat and eat...and eat, it's like there's no shut off valve. Finally, after I've somehow stopped, that's when the guilt sets in. That's when the tears start to flow or the fork to mouth motion begins once again.

It's hard for me to talk about this, I mean I feel like I'm supposed to have it all together. But..I don't. I go through seasons; seasons where things are tough and it seems to be day after day, or I'll get back on track and the next day I've fallen to the wayside again. Then there are the seasons where I think I've conquered the beast. I've gotten it under control and I'm defeating the sin of addiction that consumes me- the idolization I have for food, the fact that I'm destroying my body with every binge session.

Unfortunately, the defeat doesn't start there. I, Katie Ann Ferrell, have some horrific body image issues. The binges and weight fluctuation only make it worse. I constantly inspect my reflection in the mirror to check on my progress, and the slightest bulge can set me in a downward spiral. Am I proud of this? Of course not! In fact, I've been thinking about writing a blog on this for a good ten months now but each time I've chickened out. Out of fear. Out of embarrassment. Finally, something in me has my fingers racing across my keyboard not worrying about the reaction from others, but rather admitting my weakness.

I never wanted anyone to know my struggles. I never want anyone to feel pity for me, or feel as if they have to compliment me to keep my self-esteem high. I don't need the people around me to do that, all I need is to know my God thinks that. But there again, is where I fall.

As I'm constantly comparing myself to the other girls around me: she's more tan than me, is my stomach flatter? man, I wish I had her legs- I'm loooonging for the acceptance of the world: not relying on the acceptance of my Father. Instead of worrying about how good I can look on the beach in a few weeks, I should be working even harder on conquering the sin and the feelings that control the thoughts and actions of my day. I should be digging into the Word to further my finding of my identity in Him. Instead, I'm belittling and mutilating the beautiful daughter He loves so much, me.

My friends, this is why I am writing this today. Sin is something you hide, it eats at you, it consumes you, it controls you. I want y'all to know I am going to try harder each and every day to defeat the destroyer. It's not easy, believe me, if it was, I would have conquered it last spring when the lack of self-control began. I'm also writing this because it's my passion to tell the females around me often that they.are.beautiful. We don't have to look like the girl in the magazine or the perfectly photoshopped woman our society sees and we believe we must strive for. I wouldn't wish this struggle or constant feeling of defeat on anyone, and those that feel it, whether it be for the same reasons I do or rather a different situation, I'd love to be praying for you as well. It's a battle every. day. Here lately, due to circumstances I cannot control, it's been even worse. But I always remind myself, tomorrow...tomorrow, is a new day. A new day in His Glory and grace. A new day to become a new you. I hope in my humility someone can find hope or comfort.

Also, this is probably beyond scattered, but my mind moves approximately 75,000 mph and my fingers can only type half that, so please bare with me. And unfortunately, I never take time much anymore to sit and blog, which is a shame. I get so much joy out of writing these. Hopefully, I can keep my word this time and provide updates and more blogs on the regular.

Y'all come back now (for updates), ya hear?

Day One!

First day of my Daniel fast, complete.

T'was quite the change from my old diet, and even a change from my Celiac's diet. First thing this morning I was presented with a free cup of hot chocolate. My first thought was "gluten?!" and my second was, oh wowzers, that's not on my list of things I can consume. Amazing how much I continue to take food for granted.

As I went throughout my day the hunger pangs got to me a bit, but nothing too extreme. Also, today was a mighty stressful day for me. I had a lot going on and not enough hours in a day to accommodate. Any other time I would have coped with this through eating whatever I could find. Not today though, today I sat and prayed.

Not to say I wouldn't pray when things get stressful any other day, but I replaced the energy I would have spent on finding something to eat, eating it, and then feeling guilty about the unnecessary and emotion based consumption with energy spent talking to the man above.

Not much to elaborate on from my day today...other than my day worked out just as it needed to. Funny how things like that happen after you've given your worries to God, right? As for the rest of my night? I'm about to relax and enjoy some time in the Word (and a book for English 350, not by choice.) Waiting to see what the Holy Spirit has to say to me. Goodnight y'all :)

Daniel 10:2-3

In 21 days I feel as if my life is going to be changed.

Starting tomorrow I will be embarking on my first Daniel fast. Click here for more info on what exactly this means.

Lately I have been going through a bit of a rut. One that has entailed some hardships and brought back my desire for comfort in food. I've been yearning for the Lord, wanting to draw nearer and nearer to Him; but it seemed as if I simply couldn't find a way to do so. I then heard a friend mention she had recently finished a Daniel fast...this sparked an interest in me.

Today as I was wallowing in my own self-pity, the Daniel fast came to mind. The more I researched, the more I felt convicted to fast. I prayed that my intentions were that of which they needed to be and came to the conclusion tomorrow will be the day I begin.

What do I expect to get out of this 21 days?

I want to the Holy Spirit to transform me. I want to be the closest I've ever felt to God. I want to turn to prayer more than EVER before, whenever things get rough. I want to get my priorities back in line. I want to release myself from the bondage of food. I want to take a step back and TRULY listen to what God's answers are to the questions I have been raising for quite some time. Can I say all of this will happen? No, I can't. Maybe all these things will...maybe more than I could ever imagine.

So, through lots of thought and consideration, tomorrow is the day. I also invite y'all along for the journey as I plan to blog each of the 21 days. On the account I will have more time because I will also be removing myself from social media (again, I know....) I feel like when disconnected from those areas of life, I become so much more in tune with what really matters. If you want my previous feelings on social networking, refer back to this blog.

So here we go! Strap yourselves in and keep all hands and feet inside the car at all times! The next 21 days are going to be quite the ride.

*insert corny title referring to this being my "goodbye 2011, hello 2012" blog*

2011, 2011, 2011. Let's be cliche for a minute. "2011, we've had our ups and downs, but in the end I'm thankful for everything that has been dealt to me. Bring on the new year!" Alright, now that that's over.. let's get down to business.

2011 has, in fact, been a year of ups and downs, but it's been far more than that. I have grown up so incredibly much in the past 365 days I can barely believe it myself. Where shall we begin? January, I suppose.

I don't remember much about January. The only thing that stands out to me is starting my second semester of college; readjusting to being away from home. February is when my world got twist-turned upside down. *Thank you Will Smith*

I had a high school sweetheart, in fact if you'd asked me this time last year; I'd tell you I would marry him one day. February is when he broke my heart. Maybe worse than broke, shattered, my heart. In my devastation I cried myself to sleep multiple nights, ate anything that wasn't glued down, and found myself distracted beyond belief in my classes. There was one specific time though, that changed everything. One night I was crying my eyes out, sat up in bed and just cried out to the Lord; let everything I was feeling out to Him. After that 2a.m. prayer, I never cried myself to sleep over him again. God showed me this was all apart of His plan, that this break-up was a blessing in disguise.

March was a month of change for me. Trying to put my heartbreak behind me, I filled my time completely. This is the month I actually started hanging out at BCM afterwards instead of rushing back to my dorm to get to sleep. Becoming social past 10:15 may have been the best decision I made all year.

Along with BCM, I started hanging out at the campus radio station, WMUL, more and more. This is where I met some of my now closest friends as well as the bestfriend I'd been praying for for such a long time. She is amazing. I've never seen someone with more determination or more strength (in all aspects) than her. God really blessed me when he put Laura in my life, she was the girl I'd always wanted by my side, to be my "bff". The two of us combined with Caitie became inseparable, earning us the nickname "Three's Company".

As we proceed...

the spring semester began to wind down BCM introduced an opportunity called "beachweek". Though I hadn't gotten extremely close to anyone yet, I (with Laura and Caitie agreeing to go as well, of course) decided to dive in and go. Second best decision I made in 2011.

Two short weeks after donating 10inches of my hair to Locks of Love, and 3 days after semester ended, I was on a road trip to Myrtle Beach with Caitie, Laura, and a caravan of other Jesus lovin' students. I had no idea how much my life was going to change in the next week.

Beachweek opened my eyes to a completely different side of Christ. I'd grown up the "good-girl", the "church-girl", or my personal favorite; "goody-two-shoes", but I'd never realized the relationship aspect. Beachweek was the week I started to truly fall in love with Christ.

Flip-flops, shorts, and tan-lines led me into Summer 2011.

Those three months flew by as I put in almost full-time hours at Sunglass Hut. I loved my job, though. I got to witness to customers, put smiles on peoples' faces, and of course; make extra money for the approaching school year. Aside from working, I spent summer making trips back and forth to Huntington, hanging out with my sister and her family, and going to my fair share of baseball games with my momma. I couldn't have asked for a better break from school. When the fun and cash flow ended, I welcomed fall semester with open arms.

This past semester was hands down the highlight of my year. I cannot even begin to describe all the wonderful events that have occurred these past few months. Here's a few things that stick out: co-leading my absolutely incredible iteam! BCM <3 the j-school, being door girl for UpLate, first airplane ride, going on a Disney Cruise, deciding it was the time for me to finally get baptized, growing closer to so many people, learning to cook (with the help of a gal who means so much to me in such little time, Kelsi), realizing every single day how blessed I am, changing my major to one that I should have been since I started college; one that makes my heart beat, conquering my struggle with food, growing closer to my dad, and above all else, letting go and letting God take over EVERY aspect of my life.

In the midst of all this, I can't leave out what is literally one of the most life-changing things that has ever happened to me. A little over a month ago, I was diagnosed with an autoimmune disorder called Celiac's Disease. I plan to write a blog completely dedicated to it considering how many questions I've gotten in regards to my posts about being gluten-free or jokingly referring to myself as a "celiac", but long story short; it has completely altered the way I live every single day. In the midst of that, I praise God for the changes. I am so honored that He knows He can rely on me to use something of this nature for His glory; that I'm strong enough to handle the lifestyle I now lead. That my friends leads me to the present.

Right now, I couldn't tell you what the next 12 months holds for me. I know within the next 48hours I'll be participating in the experience of a lifetime: Passion 2012. Interested? Click here. Other than that, I'll be going through the motions; seeing what God has in store for me. If it's anything like the changes He's put in my life in the past year, I cannot wait to see how close I grow to Him. I've never craved His word, craved His love, or adored His grace more than I do now. With Him on my side, there's no telling where I could be this time next year. With all of it, to His glory. May God bless 2012....now...bring.it.on.

No Compass Necessary

Shewwee! Been almost 2 months since I've had the time to sit down and write. (I really don't even have the time to right now; but oh well, homework can wait.) So many incredible things have happened to me in the time that has passed. Some of the best changes based on my newfound philosophy of "Turning North".

Deuteronomy 2:3 says, " You have circled this mountain long enough. Now turn north." That verse hit me like a ton of bricks after I discovered it in one of my favorite "Jesus books", as I like to call them. All the things I'd been struggling with in life were irrelevant after this discovery. I knew at that moment it was time to whole heartedly make a change.

Without going into detail, (I do keep some personal things to myself) I can proudly say I have been going strong since then. I've had a few slip ups, but He lead me right back on track. Those of us who have experienced such a time of triumph, especially a triumph led completely by God, know that this is the prime time for the dang devil to come and try to steer us back down the path of destruction.

He knocked on my door for about a week straight, and it seemed like every day the pounding would get stronger and stronger. I'd fight back by simply sitting and praying, knowing that God would take care of me. Though the devil isn't the easiest thing to conquer, I persisted and finally during BCM on Wednesday night, I felt the release that he had given up. Unfortunately, I know he'll try and come back.

Since my life is on this awesome track, I'll have to constantly be prepared for the next thing that tries to destroy me. Whether it be the devil or my biology class, I'll prevail. I have the strongest of the strong on my side. As for my journey, I'll continue to go north, full speed ahead. Not saying I won't have the occasional sway to the east or west, for those falters are what make the race to the top far more gratifying. When life causes me to wanna flee south, I remind myself "And if Our God is for us, then who could ever stop us. And if our God is with us, then what can stand against?" The answer is nothing, nothing can stand against us. Go out there and start your journey north. Keep Him by your side and your eyes set forward, nothing can get in your way.

This is Who I am; and Baby, I'm Luckier than the Lottery

Hi, I'm Katie Ferrell. I'm 19 and a sophomore at Marshall University where I'm majoring in online journalism. I love Jesus, and the next boy in my life has to love Him more than he will ever love me. Stubborn could be my middle name and sometimes my mood swings are worse than a menopausal woman's. I probably paint my fingernails too much and to me, there is no other sporting goods brand than Nike. When texting, I never capitalize anything, just because I think it looks prettier and neater...that's probably caused by my OCD. Clothes are my obsession and putting together outfits is something I like to do for fun. My friends are the best around, there's no doubt about it. If I had to describe myself in one word "classy" would be in the top 3 choices. The morals I have were decided when I was 11, and were not prompted by my parents at all. Writing is what I use to release all the the thoughts in my head; that or praying. God always listens, even when no one else will. When the season changes, so does my Bath&Body scent, and my candles. Makeup and I have a love/hate relationship, but you'll hardly ever catch me wearing much. I struggle with my love of food, but controlling it is becoming easier every day. You can catch me at the gym 5 days a week. I'm either completely dressed down or completely dressed up; there's not much of a happy medium for me. Somedays, I'm just plain lazy. It's nice. My room is usually a mess, but everything else of mine has to be nice and organized. Speaking of being lazy and a mess, I haven't washed my car in 3 months. My silver bug is a dull grey. The bug reminds me, gas costs too much; especially when my baby takes premium. And I'm a penny pincher..but I'd rather spend my money on a gift for someone else rather than something careless for myself. And one of the most important things about me is, as much as I screw up, or as wretched of a person I can be, my God and my family always love me. They're all I need in this world; the rest of my blessings are simply bonuses...and I've hit the jackpot.

God Isn't Going to Write that Term Paper for You

Man it's funny how that God of ours works sometimes, isn't it? This summer I have become such a morning person. I used to go to bed SO early back in the first semester of school last year. I then got out of the habit and 3am became my new bedtime. My body totally rejected this new routine and wasn't very nice to me, so throughout the summer I've started getting up earlier and 3am turned into midnight or eleven. Slowly but surely, I've gotten back to my normal sleeping hours of passing out around 10pm; thank goodness. What does my bedtime and sleeping schedule have to do with anything? Well I shall tell you why I think it's relevant.

Being the Follower of Christ that I am, I have a devotional book and try my best to stick to it routinely. I was doing so well until I started working practically full time at the Hut and all of a sudden my "I just haven't had time" excuse surfaced. Seriously, Katie...no time for God? Strike one. Axing out your devotionals but still having time to watch lame videos on YouTube? Strike Two. Changing the color of your fingernails every three evenings but not reading your Bible? Strike three. "You're outta there!" No, no...God didn't erase my name out of the Lamb's Book of LIfe or anything, but He did send me a subliminal message...He's so dang good at those..

In comes my sleeping patterns! The more I changed back to my old sleeping habits the more time I found myself with in the mornings. And then it dawned on me! Something I'd heard a while back but had let settle in the depths of my mind. Say I take an hour out of my day to spend with God; reading, studying, praying...imagine the uplifting mood and the amount of blessings He could bestow on my other 23 hours. Now, I'm not saying I bargained with God. I can just imagine: "So, uh, God..let's make a deal. If I spend some time with You every morning, thennnn will You bring everyone in the Charleston area to the Sunglass Hut and buy a pair of Oakleys from me?" Doesn't work that way. It's a matter of trust. You have to trust that He will see the obedience you're showing Him, and the faith you have in Him; therefore, He will take care of you (as always) and see to it you get everything you need to finish in that day completed. This leads to a snowball affect.

If your day immediately begins on the right foot (spending time with Him), you're going to be in a much happier mood, you will become more productive, less stressed, and in the end become a better you. Ding, Ding! We have a winner! Of course, if you're going to sit down and study your Bible for 3 hours thinking God's going to magically write the term paper you've been procrastinating on, it's not going to work like that. God knows the desires of your heart, the reasons behind your doings. You need to want to be with Him, want to read His word, and want to be the obedient Follower of Christ He expects you to be.

So see, my sleeping patterns do matter. And if you think they still don't, just let me think they do. Thanks, I appreciate it. But anywho, simply remember to never make the terrible excuse I did, that "you just don't have time", because you do. Maybe start with a small prayer every morning, and build your time up. He'll understand every step of your way with Him, and help you to become the best Child of God you can be. And remember, it's never too late to start something new; so go for it. Start spending your mornings/afternoons/evenings/nights with Him, see how your days go and how your time pans out. I bet you'll start sleeping a little easier.

MTV Answers Prayers?

365 days ago, I was a nervous wreck. At 11 '0 clock p.m., August 3rd, 2010 my life was going to be aired on national television. I sat in my living room with ten close friends and my mom, scared to death at how I was going to be portrayed and what the results of filming from a few months earlier were going to be. A year later, I'm smiling at what an impact that hour showcasing tears, laughs, and camouflage brought to my life.

Some of you may still be lost, because if you didn't go to high school with me, you may not know; considering I hardly ever talk about it, but I was featured on a reality documentary series for MTV's "If You Really Knew Me". The response to the show was phenomenal. I received over 600 friend requests on FaceBook and numerous private messages explaining to me how my story helped and inspired them. The entire reason I agreed to be filmed was to make an impact on someones life; never did I think it would have such a positive impact on so many, including myself.

A short time after the show aired, I hit the campus of Marshall and heard many "She looks so familiar" or "I know her from somewhere" as I walked by. Even had some brave people come up and ask me if I was that girl, or ask me about my experience. I even had a person throw up the "I love you" sign to me as I walked through my local mall one day; and though it doesn't happen near as often, I still get recognized and questioned. I'd be lying if I said it didn't make you feel dang cool.

But enough about that; it's been a year and if you're actually interested in the entire story I can explain on a personal basis; but I just wanted to focus on the fact that my life has changed in more ways than one since the show aired. The most important being a response to something I'd said on the show: that all I wanted was a relationship with my dad. And I can gladly say, that's exactly what I have now.

My dad is a hardworking, West Virginia coal miner so his work schedule makes it hard to really spend time one-on-one, but we do the very best we can. It all began when Dad started taking me back to school on the weekends. In that hour drive to Huntington, we'd catch up on life, and slowly start to bond. He'd carry my things into my room, and after he'd leave I'd have a smile on my face knowing my prayers were being answered. We now talk just about everyday (sometimes I miss his call and he'll be out of service by the time I can call back) and I spend every Sunday night with him; the one day he has off a week. We'll go grocery shopping together, talk about life, boys, and my future. Everything I'd dreamt of having in a relationship with him, I have. It may have taken 19 years, but by golly; it's always better late than never.

The show wasn't scripted, just as life isn't. And never did I realize how being on MTV was going to provide me with the relationship I'd always wanted. If I were back in that Riverside classroom again, when we were told the show was coming, I'd never doubt for a second about going for it. There were times when I was crying with a camera glued to my face that I questioned myself about what I was doing. But looking back now, it was all worth it, and I hope the others that were on the show with me have had the same positive results as me. So, to be cliche; if you really knew me, you'd know my life has been a roller coaster in the past year, but I wouldn't change one single thing. Cut; press play; continue.

She's A Brick House...literally

Here I sit on a Sunday morning after a lousy Saturday night. Thought maybe sleeping would change my mood around, but unfortunately for me that did not work. It's not often I'm a negative Nancy, but when I am it all hits at once.

As I sit here, I have so much frustration built up inside of me. But of course I'd never let any of those things slip out of my mouth except maybe to my mom, or most likely my sister. The reason? I have this mega-brick wall up around me. The reason I have one? Because anytime I've ever let it down, I get hurt.

My life hasn't been the glamorous one most assume it has been, and don't get me wrong I have been beyond blessed in 19 years and my life was and is farrrr from the worst, but still; don't judge a book by it's cover. That being said, ever since I was little I've never been able to let loose and have fun. Not the type of fun the average college student has; that is in NO way, shape, or form something I'd be interested in. But just letting my guard down, being absolutely silly, and enjoying myself. I never really had time to be a kid, so here I am, years later still acting like the adult I'd learned to be as a child. You can't live in the past, all you can do is look to the future, which can be so hard when the future you had planned crumbled without your control.

Being the OCD, organized person I am, I had my life all planned out. Which, I do NOT recommend this at alllll, by the way. The plans I'd made had me so excited for the coming years, then they all changed through a decision that was not mine. At that moment in time I felt like my life was over. I soon realized looking back, it was simply the beginning to a new chapter. Here I am, in the midst of that new chapter.

The past hurts, but I have to keep my eyes on the prize of my dreams and future. When I think about the future now, I have absolutely no idea what it holds; just that God's got a hold of it and is in control. Which is quite the relief realizing it's no longer my worry. The unfortunate thing is, I have no idea when I'm going to learn to live. Really, live. To just let my guard down and enjoy what God surrounds me with. When is that scared 7-year-old going to breakaway and have the time of her life? Who knows, all I know is the day it happens; I'll most likely write a blog about it. So here I still sit on my couch. The only thing I know that's going to happen today is that I'm going to church (River Ridge 9;45/11:15 join us :) and that I will be working yet another shift at Sunglass Hut. And no matter how I feel after posting this blog, which will most likely be a little bit better because writing is my release, even if it's like crud; I'll put on my smile and never let a single person know what's going on in this noggin' of mine. I've said it once, and I'll say it again; A smile is the most beautiful thing a person can have. And with that smile, I'll enjoy my day the best way I know how. Maybe today's the day. The day I learn to tear down my wall and enjoy the blessing of a new day I have been given, to it's utmost potential.

Not Your Average Blog about Cereal

I'm not sure if any of you saw my tweet earlier that said "what better day to start something new than today?", but this blog will provide y'all with an explination. Obviously, today I'm starting something new! That something new is giving up cereal. *Disclaimer: I promise it isn't as corny/lame as it sounds*

The deliciousness of cinnamon toast crunch in a cold bowl of milk after a long day of work is one of my favorite things. The problem is my inability to practice self control by eating simply one bowl. I've struggled with emotional eating and portion control with food in the past, but with cereal I find myself lost in the habit of one bowl, after another, after another. (The fact that I have the appetite of a man doesn't help either) But there's an underlying problem behind the lack of control. My addiction to cereal is an addiction. There's no sugar coating it. No pun intended...for once.

An addiction, is an addiction, is an addiction. Society, overall, judges those who are addicted to alcohol and drugs; but we overlook the more simple addictions we each have. If we hear through the grapevine that our next door neighbor is going through AA or rehab the whispers and dirty looks seem to arise at the sight of a person who is simply reaching out for help. Mine, being cereal, is no where near the severity of a 15 year alcoholic; but in the eyes of God, we are two of the same.

I'm sure by now, you may have started to think of something you may have grown accustom to spending to much time with or doing. Maybe it's an addiction to drinking soda, or watching too much TV. Or something I know many of my peers struggle with; an addiction to the Internet and gossiping. No matter what the addiction is, they are all equal according to Him. I wish I could find it, and if I do I'll update this post, but there is a verse in the good 'ol B-I-B-L-E meaning just that. Unfortunately I can't find the book that I read it in, not my Bible it's right here beside me, but this awesome book I read called "Made To Crave". Google it. And maybe I'll blog on it one day.

Anywho, the thing about an addiction is, the way we let it consume our time, thoughts, day, etc. Not that I sit around and chomp at the bits to get home to my cereal, but it does have an array of affects on me. I'm generally a healthy eater, but the day after a cereal binge I feel sluggish and guilty about my indulgence. This in turn makes me lazier and less productive. A snowball of negative impacts on my daily routine. Without this habit, I'd have a better overall feeling of myself and wouldn't lose the amount of energy I gain from my healthier choices. That all-day fulfilling energy seems much nicer than the unfortunate highs and lows of processed sugars. The above mentioned is a scenario from my point of view dealing with my personal issues, but I'm sure there is one in relation to yours as well.

Since there are no CA (cereal anonymous) meetings, or 5 week programs to curb my habit, I suppose I'm quitting cold turkey. One of the most important facets in a walk with Christ is that of accountability. It wasn't until earlier this summer that I realized how important this key aspect was, but now I understand it fully. In order to maintain accountable, I hope to write a blog on my success with the elimination of late night binges due to an addiction as seemingly silly as cereal. My goal is by the time school starts to have kicked my habit. If any of you reading this are struggling with an addiction, no matter if it's even sillier than cereal, or something much more serious, I encourage you to say a prayer for yourself. The power of prayer isn't attainable by any program you could go through here on Earth.

I can't help but think of the High School Musical song when I talk about "the start of something new" but I'm no longer 16 and crushing on the star of the basketball team, I'm 19 and writing a blog about addiction...to cereal. But the main and serious point to this, is that nothing in life should have power over you, well unless of course it's The Man. For anyone struggling with anything, today could be the day to start over. Stop making excuses in order to prolong quitting or starting something. Take the initiative and act upon it today. Better yet, this very minute. Decide in your head what you're going to do, a reasonable goal, and the time span between now and that goal. As I caught myself eating far too much Special K this morning, that's when all this hit me. I took the bag, walked to the trash, and threw it in. That was the moment I decided...don't let yours pass you up.

Who Cares about Wrapping Paper, Anyways?

If beauty is in the eye of the beholder...then why don't we all see ourselves as the beautiful people we are? I have and continue to struggle with accepting body image and considering myself beautiful, and I know I am FAR from the only one. Society puts so much pressure on each of us; especially as females, to look a certain way. In reality, those Victoria's Secret models? They don't even look that good. And I'm sure if you ask each one of them what insecurity they have, they'd name it instantly.

I received one of my daily Victoria's Secret e-mails yesterday and it really ground my gears. I know better, that the way those gals look was created mainly by Photoshop and airbrushing; but what about the 12-year-old who sees the advertisements for Aerie as she's going to buy her first bra? She doesn't know better; and that advertisement is inadvertently teaching her at such a young age that she needs to look like that. Not only are they brainwashing young girls, but the young boys that see them as well. While growing up and being exposed to such ads, even in family friendly atmospheres such as the shopping mall, they will begin to think real women look like those in the pictures.

I'm not bashing advertisements; heck I'm an ad major at this point in time, but rather infuriated by our society. Since when did beautiful mean a size 00, with toned abs, and rail thin limbs? Sure, that type of body can be beautiful; but so can a size 24+ full-figured woman. We just have to redirect our thoughts in believing that we are beautiful; no matter what.

Sometimes, I wish I could take more of my own advice. I know when I'm sweating my butt off at the gym and don't indulge in the delicious pretzel burger at Fat Patty's I so desperately am craving, it's because I want to look my best. Every girl wants to feel attractive, especially in opinion of the opposite sex. But there comes a point in which each of us has to accept what we were blessed with as a body.

God created each of us as a vision of Himself. Therefore, even we roll out of the bed; no make-up, bedhead, and morning breath, He thinks we are beautiful. Because we are. We might be a few pounds over what we'd like to see on the scale, or maybe a zit the size of Jupiter popped up right on the tip of our nose during the night, but we.are.beautiful. I can't stress that enough. The more of us that realize this, the happier and healthier we can be.

A couple weeks ago I started a new routine. This routine consists of: waking up, looking in the mirror, and telling myself "I am beautiful". At first I didn't believe it. The flaws I'd concentrated on so hard; most that no one else would probably even care to notice, would pop out at me as I was "lying" to myself. As the days progressed, my confidence rose. I started to believe my "lie" and would walk out of the house knowing I was beautiful because He made me that way. Granted, the days where I feel as attractive as the Hunchback of Notre Dame still come (one was yesterday), but those feelings fade and soon I'm back on track with my new found streak of confidence.

To sum it all up: never forget how beautiful you are. And if you're worried about your appearance in sake of finding a relationship; throw that out the window. There's someone out there meant to love you for you, not for how you'd look as the center fold of a magazine. The way we look is small compared to what lies within us. I mean, who honestly cares about what the wrapping paper on a present looks like? The gift on the inside is what counts. Love what God gave you; and everyone else will come to love it, and you, as well.

Aunt T Times Three!

Nothing is more precious than a newborn baby. That being said, I'm extremely confident in saying there is no cuter, or more precious of a newborn out there right now than my new nephew. Monday my sister blessed me with my third nephew; I could never thank her enough.

Monday after finishing up at the gym, I proceeded with the usual check-in with mom to let her know I was safe (you'd still think I was the newborn that their mother hadn't cut the cord yet...love you mom! wouldn't have it any other way!) and what I would be embarking on on my day off. The response she gave me made me squeal so loud you'd think Michael Buble had just gotten in my passenger side. I learned that it was a strong possibility my sister could have her baby that very day! I composed myself, made it home, and then proceeded to sit on standby in case my assistance was needed. Shortly after, I received a phone call from Sis, asking me to come up to her house in case she'd have to leave for the hospital. Meaning I'd have my hands full with two boys; one freshly turned two and one a month and a half shy of five. Wowzers. But I was up for the challenge.

To make a long story short, we'll fast forward to 7:14pm that day. The minute my precious nephew entered this world. If you're not aware of the date he was born, it was 7.11.11. Cool right? Even cooler...free Slurpees on his birthday! every. year.

Yesterday was the first time I met him and got to hold him. Ohmygoodness he is seriously the cutest baby I have ever seen. Not that my first two nephews weren't, but he is just so stinkin' cute! From his head full of dark hair, to his round face, to his long toes; I just didn't want to let him go.

I could go on and on about how much I love him already, but the person who should be taking the spotlight is my sister. Once again, she's a subject I could write an entire novel on, but I'll sum it up briefly for the sake of this blog. MY. SISTER. IS. AMAZING. Not only is she one of the most Godly women I know, she wins the "stay-at-home mommy of the past 5 years" award and is practically Wonder Woman. If you were to have a perfect balance of God, love, family time, discipline, and manners in a family, that is what she strives for and achieves. Not saying my nephews are angels, good grief they're boys, they're rotten as all get out sometimes; but I listened to my almost five-year-old nephew bless his and his little brother's dinner on Monday night. How incredible is that?

Needless to say, I am an extremely blessed, happy, and thankful aunt right now. Another nephew for me to hold, witness his milestones, and eventually hear him yell "T!!!!!" when I walk out of his sight. My family continues to grow and I can't wait to see what each of those boys become. One thing is for certain, they will become men of God, but how will they be called to show it?

I can't wait to see what their futures hold. My sister is one fine, outstanding woman, I can't thank her enough for what she has provided me with. And not to leave my equally incredible brother-in-law out; he provides and takes care of my sister and nephews like every man should. What a family I have to look up to as an example. I become more blessed each and every day.

Saying "Bye, Bye, Bye" to Social Networking

Social Networking sucks. That, my friends, is the reason I will be excusing myself from them for at least one week. If you do recall, I deleted my FaceBook and Twitter back in September of 2010 and didn't make new ones until February 2011, and those months of my life were quite productive.

It's ridiculous for me to wake up, check fbook, check twitter, then read the newsfeed and timeline on my phone down to the last update I read before I fell asleep that night. Am I a nosy stalker? No. I just enjoy having something to read, that's always new and available. But the question is why am I reading about who loves who, who had a terrible day at work, and other nonsense things rather than reading my Bible when I first wake up. Or doing something far more productive with my time. Also, some of the things you see on there just create negative feelings.

Summertime is a lousy excuse for girls to take very precisely posed pictures of themselves in bikinis, upload them, and make every guy drool from the other side of the computer screen. Guilty as charged last summer, but this summer I see the ploy behind it all. And it's gotten worse. Ladies, put some clothes on. But behind all those scantly clad pictures, lies another unfortunate thing. I know in the back of my mind, I'm thinking, "Gosh, why can't I look like that?" Or "My goodness gracious she looks atrocious! Take this picture down girl." Both absolutely terrible and negative things to be going through my mind. All FaceBook does is create not so good thoughts for me. Maybe after a week I'll feel like I can live without it again. One problem...

Missing my friends; the whole reason I recreated my FaceBook in the first place. I missed my friends I don't get to see on a daily basis. Seeing their pictures pop up on my newsfeed and their thoughts on my timeline help me feel like we're still connected. I haven't quite figured out how to solve that problem. I'd enjoy receiving emails or ever better, mail with pictures or a small note; but get real, Katie. We're in 2011, not 1945. I guess we'll see what goes from here.

I honestly feel like I'm being called to take a step back from the world of social networking. I'm planning on using this time to get closer to my God. For I know whatever He's calling me to do is for a reason. Do I know what this reason is yet? Nope. But eventually I'll look back and I will. He's never steered me wrong before. Something I learned at BCM (Baptist Campus Ministries) BeachWeek this summer was something that continues to stick with me: sometimes we need to step away from the hustle and bustle of our busy lives and listen for the answer He's been providing us all along. Just take time, and listen. Which is precisely what I am going to do.

Gabe's, Paris, and Fluorescent Light Bulbs

First off...I'm a bargain shopper. That being said, after enjoying a delicious meal at Applebee's this evening I decided I was going to shop around at my local Gabe's. Everyone knows that when going to Gabe's you are either going to have a "hit" or "miss" visit; today my friends, we had a hit.

I go directly to the back of the home decor department to look at my favorite part of Gabe's: the ever changing collection of art they carry. To my pleasant surprise, there were some awesome canvas' propped up against one another. The pictures depicted on them were movies, none of which seemed to be my favorites...until I spied in one of the stacks a black and white picture of the Moulin Rouge. WHAT?! One of my favorite movies?! black and white?! and ONLY $9.99?! I heard the chorus of angels singing "ahhhh" as I reached for it, knowing it was going to be mine. As I stared at this beauty that was going to be the focal point of my dorm room, all I could think about (aside from how handsome Ewan McGregor looked in the remake) was about Paris...and my dreams.

Everyone has a dream. Whether that dream be small or large, we have one. My dream since I was young was to live in Paris. I know, I know, those of you who have been there are thinking "that place isn't near what it's cracked up to be" or "it's just a city of filth with a landmark". Honestly, I don't care. I've longed to reside there for what seems forever now. Doing what? Of course I don't know. I don't even know what my major for next semester is going to be.

At one point in my life, I lost sight of this dream. I told myself that it was far out of my reach, that the most I was going to do with my life would be to become a mogul in Charleston, live in a nice home on top of a mountain, and vacation in the tropics once a year. What a measly goal for someone who works as hard as I do. Since then I've regained focus and now my eyes are set on the prize: Paris.

If you can't tell by now, I'm rather fuzzy on what the next years of my life are going to hold. After graduating college, I may move two streets over, move halfway across the country, or live at home until I'm 47 years old. I'm not sure. But what I can tell you is, you better remember my name now, because whatever becomes of my life is going to be awesome. Maybe, just maybe, you'll be seeing my name is yellow tinted, fluorescent bulbs, much like that of the Moulin Rouge in Paris one day. Who knows? Well God knows, but that's a different blog post. But be ready for my dreams to come true and to see my name in lights.

Katie's Back, Back, Back, Back Again

Oh here I am, almost a year later. Shame, shame on me. I was sitting on my couch this morning enjoying my day off and thinking about what my future has in store for me. As I sat there, only one thing came to mind that I'd not done...something I get immense joy from: write. My next move was that from my comfy couch to my even comfier bed where my Mac was so preciously laying. Opened my baby up, logged back into my blog, and here I sit with my niece (dog) laying on my legs and me propped up on some awesome pillows, typing away. Life has had major changes in the past year. So many that I could probably write an entire novel on it more so than a blog. But the past is the past, right? From this day on is the future. One that I'm anticipating although I have no idea where it leads. This week I've contemplated so much about my future. I've gone back and forth between staying in my current major, advertising, switching to print journalism, or even as far out of the School of Journalism you can get; dietetics. Currently, I'm still in the limbo state, hoping one morning I'll wake up and God will have constructed a brightly lit neon sign directly above my bed.. practically screaming at me which road to take. Until then, I'll continue to wait it out.

Advertising has been an interesting experience thus far. When in high school I knew I was going to be the girl to pick a major, roll with it, and never change my mind. I must have forgotten I am a female...we ALWAYS change our mind. Three weeks into school I realized psychology was not for me, researched, and came to the point where advertising seemed to be the best decision. That second semester I loved my classes, loved my j-school, loved the fact that I had an internship at an advertising agency for the summer. Everything seemed perfectly in place. That's always when things always begin to fall apart. Fast forward to my second week of summer, the week my internship began. Without going into details, let's just say it was not at all what I expected...therefore my mind began to change; once. again.

I sat one day trying to figure what my passion was. What is it that makes me happy. The first thing that popped into my mind was a freshly baked pizza...yea, can't major in that. Next, was writing. How could I forget how much I loved to read when I was younger, leading to how I used to write short stories in my free time and how I loved to just sit and let my fingers type ninety miles an hour. But could I make a career of it? That's when my awesome self-doubt clicked in. Darn you self-doubt.

From that point, I realized I also had a love for researching healthy eating habits and exercise. Although sometimes I wish I would listen to myself more when I say, "Katie don't eat that." or "Katie, you can add a little more weight to that...the burn means it is working!" I love to fill myself with more and more knowledge on the subject. So I mosied on over to Marshall's website and glanced at the classes I'd have to take. ORGANIC CHEMISTRY?! Really? Okay, maybe this isn't for me. But I'm far from dumb, so I know I could push myself. The best way to describe how many things were going through my head at this point is to visually explain: "a;sjoiwemlksdjfpaoijskldjfvicja;ejoij" Remember how cool it used to be to post that as your MySpace status when the boy you liked was frustrating you? Don't lie, I know you do. Back to the point...I was, and still am, a confused mess.

So here I still sit; my niece is now snoring, her only care in the world is wondering when I'm going to feed her next, and here I am wondering what career I'm going to choose; also realizing I need some major punctuation practice and a review on grammar rules. Anywho, the race is still on for what major is going to capture my heart. I could sit here all day and go back and forth between what to do, but that would be a waste of my time. I've learned "So don't worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today's trouble is enough for today." Matthew 6:34 With that being said, I'll go on about my day only to worry about how I'm going to get this snoozing dog off my lap and make it to the gym on time. As for my potential life-changing decision? Eh, I'll get back to that.

long time, no blog

Well, as you can see, I've slacked off on my blogging due to summer and the requirement for a grade was no longer there. Whoops :) but college is approaching more quickly than I think I would like it to. Also, the MTV series I'm going to be on, "If You Really Knew Me" premiered Tuesday, and Riverside's episode will air on the 3rd of August. Time has flown! When they came to school to film, I still had my senior prom ahead of me, graduation, college orientation, amongst other important events in my life. All those have gone and passed, and in less than a month I will be attending Marshall University as a full time student. Wowzers.
As for now, my main worry is about the show. I'm nervous about how all will be portrayed and how my family and friends will react to what I have said. The upside is how many people will be positively affected by the show, and how, hopefully, the students at Riverside will gain a new insight on how everything they say, and do, not only affects them but the others around them. Also, that some may lend an ear and hug to someone who just needs to talk. The "Be the Change" club we instated last year should become a successful program that will aid Riverside in becoming a better school. Well, folks that is all for now. I'm not allowed to say much, can't spoil anything ;) Be looking for more! :)


Katie :)